cindy chen

My darkest secret.

cindy chen
My darkest secret.

I haven't been quite honest with anyone in the last 2 months of my life. I'm not at all happy. You can tell by my tweets on Twitter but you can't tell it from the fake smile on my face or what my state of mind is. I have been dealing with this demon since I was about 11 years old. My life has it's up's and downs. But mostly downs. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at a very young age of my life and decided to get help my freshman year of high school. Nothing was going well. I picked myself back up and suddenly the high that I built up for myself fell, and then there was me. All alone with no help once again. College. I was denied help from Lasell's guidance center, yes I do have my own therapist but it's a push just to see her every week. I have panic attacks left and right on this campus, and who is here to help me? No one. Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failing but not caring to be productive. It's wanting friends but hate socializing with people. It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It's about caring too much about everything and then not caring at all. It's the feeling that hits you all at once and then feeling numb. "Deep depression's a rotten curse" This line struck me. (G-Eazy). I don't know how to feel at the moment since my life is made out of unfortunate events. If I told you, you'd think that I should be sent off to an insane asylum.